From Our Church Mag – Dec

A to Z of the Bible

A is for apple and who would believe

The trouble it caused for poor Adam and Eve.

Z is for Zebedee, boing, time for bed.

I think that the biblical Zebedee’s dead.

If anyone was expecting B, C, D etc., sorry. I’m Ben Jericho, I tell it like it is.

There once was a young man of Rome

Who wrote for his lady a pome.

When he knocked on her door

Twas her mother he saw,

So he turned round and legged it back home.

Right, that’s enough poetry for the time being.  Can’t have you thinking I’ve a softer side, can I?

So, we have a new Archbish then. And about time too that we got someone with experience of the world of business. While Rowan goes gathering mistletoe for Stonehenge solstices, a role that on looks alone, you’ll agree, he appears eminently more suited, the good old C of E can now look forward to some good deals on central heating oil with the new bloke.

Also in the news recently is the synod voting against us having women bishops. I was surprised that it was the lay vote that swung it rather than the clergy, but it WAS democratic. That’s why I find it ironic that certain people in Westminster have voiced dark utterings about making the Church change its decision by force of law if necessary. That reminds me of Ireland rejecting some EU proposals in a referendum a few years back, only to have another referendum foisted upon them because Brussels decided they’d given the wrong answer the first time.

So as not to give the impression that my sympathies lie somewhat to the right of Atilla the Nun, I will merely remark that it will be a cold day in that place none of us wants to end up in before politicians of any colour really listen to what the people want.

My latest great nephew was baptised in Brentwood cathedral last Saturday. I wore a suit and drank nothing stronger than Diet Pepsi at the reception, neither of which are occurrences you’d witness every day. The service was broadly similar to our one and the word catholic in the creed was spelt with a small C, just like we do it. I felt quite at home, actually.

Not at home enough to defect, though, if we ever do get women bishops in the future. There’s a lot to be said for not having to sit in a box and tell the priest all the shenanigans we’ve been up to.

Besides, for all I know they might drop bucketloads on spiders on you like in I’m a Celebrity.

And there we are for another year. All that’s left for me to do is to wish you all an especially joyous Christmas and happy new year and leave you with a YouTube song and a cartoon. Telling it like Yoda, Ben Jericho I am.

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