Walls of Jericho – Church Mag Dec

roj tera’, goodwill loD Hoch

That’s Klingon for peace on Earth, goodwill to all men.

Well you could have surprised me, Klingons being the warlike race they are, I wouldn’t have thought they’d have had a word for peace. As you can see, their word for goodwill is goodwill.

Colin’s admission that his mind wanders during meetings led me to Google that in case you’re wondering. Rest assured, I shall be watching him like a hawk the next time the Children’s Joy UK trustees meet.

***

My grandson is walking like a good ‘un now at 14 months old. His mum said that boys are lazier than girls and it’s true that she and her sister were walking at 12 months.

Like all human behaviour, I believe this is a genetic trait inherited from our forefathers that lived in caves. Boys, whose brains comprise one hemisphere devoted to logic, worked out that the sooner they started walking, the sooner their mothers would expect them to help keep the cave tidy. Far better to let the girls walk first, then when the boys WERE ready to walk, the girls were already conditioned to cleaning up after them and they could worry about fighting sabre toothed tigers, beer and football.

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I think I have finally managed to shake off the curse of Ardly’s Law. This, if I haven’t explained before, is the immutable universal truism that the probability of a car appearing out of nowhere to impede my passage crossing a road is inversely proportional to my distance from the kerb. I recently had to cross 3 roads walking to St John’s recently and the same three walking home and there was not a car in sight at any of the crossings.

Of course, Newton’s third law of dynamics states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Now, whenever Jezebel attempts to pull out in the car from a junction, a string of cars delays her for 3.142857142 minutes every time.

She puts it down to fate, but I think that’s pi in the sky.

***

On my walk that day, I spotted a sign on someone’s front wall. It read “Visitor parking only.” Huh, they’ll be lucky. I know it’s a pain at times the way some people park carelessly outside our houses, but the roads are public property. I’m reminded of Donna that I worked with once when our employer moved offices to Brentwood. Only a select few were allocated spaces in the corporate car park and other employees had to fend for themselves in the residential roads thereabouts.

In Donna’s case, a resident stood in the road in the spot she had chosen to park.

Now Donna, married to a Geordie, had lived in some of the roughest estates in the East End and in Newcastle and no one from leafy, rural Brentwood was going to tell her she could and could not leave her car. She informed the gentleman that she had paid her road tax and was entitled to park there and if he stood in the road like that again, she would (word of Anglo Saxon origin) run him over.

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I’ve been Ben Jericho. Goodwill to all men indeed. Merry Christmas everybody


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